<?xml version='1.0' encoding='UTF-8'?><?xml-stylesheet href="http://www.blogger.com/styles/atom.css" type="text/css"?><feed xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom' xmlns:openSearch='http://a9.com/-/spec/opensearchrss/1.0/' xmlns:georss='http://www.georss.org/georss' xmlns:gd='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005' xmlns:thr='http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0'><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643</id><updated>2011-04-21T16:24:31.307-07:00</updated><title type='text'>The Human Touch</title><subtitle type='html'>In our crazy world that has become dominated by deadlines and tasks, it is easy to forget that our personal and professional lives deal primarily with other humans.  We try to discuss how to "humanize" your life by dealing with the most important asset on this Earth: people.</subtitle><link rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default?max-results=100'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/'/><link rel='hub' href='http://pubsubhubbub.appspot.com/'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><generator version='7.00' uri='http://www.blogger.com'>Blogger</generator><openSearch:totalResults>15</openSearch:totalResults><openSearch:startIndex>1</openSearch:startIndex><openSearch:itemsPerPage>100</openSearch:itemsPerPage><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115782322897872936</id><published>2006-09-09T10:28:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-09-09T10:33:48.990-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Negative Energies - Anger</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/firefighters-pair-lge.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/firefighters-pair-lge.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;“Anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This quote captures the essence of the danger that anger brings. The fact is that like a wildfire, anger is an emotion that will scorch anything in its path, including all of your relationships, and will end by scorching you from within. Take, for example, the anger that results from a frustrating day at work. The cause of the anger may be a misunderstanding with a manager, or a stressful workload, or even because of a traffic jam on your daily grind (something very common in these here parts in Washington DC!). The result of that anger is that you snap at your subordinates, the cashier who mistakenly gave you change for a $10 when you gave her a $20, and, probably most unfortunate, you may snap at your spouse who asks you about your day, or your children. And, the effects of that momentary lapse in human dignity in treating others are disproportionately long lasting. The effects of words said during anger can destroy a friendship, marriage, or virtually any other relationship.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;However, the worst effect may be what anger brings about to the person themselves. To understand this best, imagine looking at yourself in the mirror when you are angry (I know it would probably be difficult to actually DO it if you really are angry). What you would likely see is a red faced, scowling, face contorted to the point that it almost looks painful if anyone tried to replicate in any other situation. Even without any medical expertise, you can understand the harm this must cause. But, for those wanting a more expert view, visit &lt;a href="http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/components/7269ai.html"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So how can we protect ourselves from this wildfire? As I mentioned, the best answer is that it depends on your own personality. However, I can offer whatever insights I have from personal experience. Firstly, the most critical point during anger is when it first hits. It’s almost as if for that brief moment, you are actually out of control. Thus, the best thing that has helped me at those points is to change your settings. This first can be done physically. Leave the area, go for a walk, do whatever you can to get away from the place that’s causing anger to avoid saying or doing something you will regret. It can also include doing other things that ill physiologically help you; take a shower, wash your face, etc. The other aspect of changing your settings is to change your mental setting. Force your mind to stop. Think about what caused your anger, and let it be contained there (similar to firefighters talking about ‘containing the fire’). Finally, get help from others. Acknowledge to others that if you’re frustrated, you want to be left alone for a while, for their own protection.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Finally, just bring yourself to remember what is most important. I guarantee that if you reflect on it, the relationships that you have are almost always worth more than what causes your anger. Here’s to your efforts in combating your own fires.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;people skills&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/anger" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;anger&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/fire" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt; fire&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115782322897872936?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115782322897872936/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115782322897872936' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115782322897872936'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115782322897872936'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies-anger.html' title='Negative Energies - Anger'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115766338469276633</id><published>2006-09-07T14:05:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-09-07T14:10:24.986-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Negative Energies</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/2005-1003blackhole.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/2005-1003blackhole.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This is the first part in a three-part series of posts on what I consider to be huge energy drainers for anyone.  The fearsome three are: anger, sarcasm, and hopelessness.  These negative energies hurt not only yourself, but also those around you, including co-workers, family members, and friends.  The idea is to be able to pick up on some of these, and find out ways to combat them.  Some disclaimers to begin with, not all of the qualities that I describe are in and of themselves bad.  In fact, some of these qualities are needed in given situations.  The problem arises when people are locked up in these qualities such that it becomes a character trait or something that is associated to them.  Furthermore, although I try to provide some ideas of how you can overcome some of these, I don’t have a one-stop recipe, primarily because each person has their own individual circumstances and personalities.  It’s really up to you as to how to resolve these if you notice them within yourself, but just noticing them and acknowledging that they need to be done away with is an important first step.  Stay tuned!&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;people skills&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/anger" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;anger&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/sarcasm" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;sarcasm&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/hopelessness" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;hopelessness&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/depression" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;depression&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115766338469276633?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115766338469276633/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115766338469276633' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115766338469276633'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115766338469276633'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html' title='Negative Energies'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115708022970604514</id><published>2006-08-31T20:05:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-09-07T14:10:40.936-07:00</updated><title type='text'>The Curse of Cynicism</title><content type='html'>One of the most popular shows on the late night telecast is The Daily Show, by Jon Stewart. I, like many, find the show very funny; it pokes fun at the comedic realities of our current political situation. Another favorite “news source” is found on the Web at the Onion, with millions of hits a year. The source of the comedy in these extremely popular entertainment venues is cynicism.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Perhaps it is just me noticing it now, but I see cynicism as completely grappling our society. It seems like the new fad is to make light of everything by satirizing it (wow, that really is a word according to Microsoft Word). Although this provides a lot of levity in a very serious world, it has also destroyed or sense of sincerity in viewing things around us.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We have become a world that sees things like corporate culture, family dinner, and romantic movies are “corny.” The problem with this is that the eventual result is that people become apathetic to the world around them, and, instead, view the world through their own Jon Stewartized eyes. The problem is that when you peel back the onion (no pun intended) of these types of people, is that they have a sense of emptiness behind all of the cynicism. What’s worse is that this also has harmful affects on people around us as well, since we can’t take anything seriously.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So, although some satire is a blessing in our very serious lives, and I love satirical comedy as much as the next person, but we must be careful in seeing the entire world through cynical eyes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/cynicism" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;cynicism&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/curse-of-cynicism.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/curse-of-cynicism.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115708022970604514?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115708022970604514/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115708022970604514' title='2 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115708022970604514'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115708022970604514'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/curse-of-cynicism.html' title='The Curse of Cynicism'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>2</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115688058367483255</id><published>2006-08-29T12:31:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-29T12:47:45.593-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Work-Life Balance</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/work_life_balance.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/work_life_balance.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The question was one that got me on the edge of my seat to await the response:&lt;br /&gt;"How do I remain productive at home with all of the distractions around me from my wife and kids?" The lecturer in the ethics class, who had been discussing family ethics, responded in a surprising way, "Maybe you don't have to be productive at home."&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Productivity has usurped so many of our minds such that when we go through any period of time where we are not generating an output, we feel as though we are wasting time. However, is time spent enjoying our children's baseball game or talking to our spouse about their day counterproductive? If you ask me, not by a longshot.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;First of all, from the standpoint of producing outputs at the workplace, this healthy home life is essential to help you "sharpen the tool" by taking your mind off of work when you get home, so that you can start fresh the next day. If I think about trying to tackle the same problems that plague me at work without taking a break from the frustration that I feel, I'd go nuts. However,&lt;br /&gt;even aside from that, the reason why having a healthy home life is so important is because it is time spent being productive on a whole another front, where the output is better relationships with the people that matter most, your family and friends. These friendships and relationships are the things that are going to help you during those stressful days and will help you feel&lt;br /&gt;energized at work to do whatever it is that you do better.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So, instead of viewing your time at home as an opportunity to get back on the Blackberry or the laptop, put those toys away and focus on being productive at your role as a husband, wife, father, mother, and friend...you'll be a better person, and a better worker, because of it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/workplace" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;workplace&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/work-life+balance" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;work-life balance&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/productivity" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;productivity&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Blackberry" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;Blackberry&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/work-life-balance.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/work-life-balance.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115688058367483255?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115688058367483255/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115688058367483255' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115688058367483255'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115688058367483255'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/work-life-balance.html' title='Work-Life Balance'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115662319055043570</id><published>2006-08-26T13:09:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-26T13:14:02.740-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Synchronization Between Words and Actions</title><content type='html'>Everyone that has interviewed has probably gone through the spiel that HR gives trying to entice you to their company.  Flexible work schedules, a team environment, and a diverse atmosphere that tolerates people from all backgrounds.  Yet, when you go out to the field once starting work, the words of the HR representatives seem to be a distant memory.  Flexibility, teamwork, and diversity are all secondary to productivity at the workplace.  The result is usually a very bitter feeling left within the employees; one of betrayal.  Once executive management begins to notice the reduced morale and the high turnover, they turn to the HR department to implement campaigns to boost morale, usually through rhetoric, but perhaps through some meaningful action.  However, by this point, it’s too little, too late.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It is widely known that when words and actions contradict each other, people are more likely to turn to actions as the determinant of how people truly feel.  Many of us, whether it be with our spouses, our children, or our co-workers, write checks with our mouths that our actions don’t cash in on.  The effect of this rhetoric not backed by actions is even greater distrust than if nothing was said at all. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Does this mean that we don’t try to portray a human touch for employees in the example mentioned above to avoid a situation of betrayal?  No, the correct answer is to allow this concept of treating employees as humans to permeate across and organization at all levels, not just make it a public relations or HR issue.  And of course, this is just one application of this principal in our professional lives, but the same lesson should be applied across all of our relationships.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/actions" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;actions&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/human+resources" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;human resources&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/HR" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;HR&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/hypocracy" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;hypocracy&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/workplace" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;workplace&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/synchronization-between-words-and.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/synchronization-between-words-and.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115662319055043570?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115662319055043570/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115662319055043570' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115662319055043570'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115662319055043570'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/synchronization-between-words-and.html' title='Synchronization Between Words and Actions'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115627383263633204</id><published>2006-08-22T12:00:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-22T12:12:31.763-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Should Kids be Raised with Strength or with Self-Esteem?</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/20060211235955_sakina.0.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/20060211235955_sakina.0.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;A very common manifestation of your approach on this is the answer to the question, “should children in Little League compete to earn a trophy, or should all children get a trophy just for trying out?” Many recent behavioralists have argued that helping children boost their self esteem is much more important than teaching them the tough lessons of losing and exclusion, which they will eventually face anyway. An interesting article on raising our kids with strength or with self-esteem is found &lt;a href="http://www.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/08/08/parenting.protecting.ap/index.html"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Growing up, my parents were definitely of the opinion that I and my siblings have constant reassurance and build self-esteem. Thus, I feel like they sheltered me from many of life’s turbulences at an early age, until cold reality struck me when I went off to college, which was the first time I was outside my parents’ protective sphere. But, I’d like to think I still made it out ok, so what right do I have to be bitter, right?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The hotshot tough guy in me has always encouraged that children should learn life’s lessons early so that they can deal with it at a young age. Then, I read the following &lt;a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/rick_reilly/08/07/reilly0814/index.html"&gt;story&lt;/a&gt;, which definitely made me have my doubts about the extent to which kids should have to suffer the hard realities of grown-up life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I don’t know if I know what the answer to my own question is, but I think that’s because it’s a very situational thing. What seems right in one situation is horrendously wrong in another. All parents can do is hope to be able to recognize the difference so that they can raise strong children, full of self-esteem.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/children" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;children&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/parenting" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;parenting&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/competition" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;competition&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/CNN" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;CNN&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/should-kids-be-raised-with-strength-or.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/should-kids-be-raised-with-strength-or.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115627383263633204?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115627383263633204/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115627383263633204' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115627383263633204'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115627383263633204'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/should-kids-be-raised-with-strength-or.html' title='Should Kids be Raised with Strength or with Self-Esteem?'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115608676659823519</id><published>2006-08-20T08:08:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-22T12:12:57.693-07:00</updated><title type='text'>A Motherly Lesson</title><content type='html'>One hot summer day, I trudged down the Washington Metro escalators to catch my train back home from work. Although I thought I had it bad, a woman with her daughter, couldn’t be more than 3 years old, and a bunch of shopping bags was clearly having trouble getting down the escalator. The primary cause of this difficulty was her daughter, who kept tugging and poking and slithering all over the place, much to the frustration of her mother. To make matters worse, the little girl was constantly whining and asking questions to this clearly exacerbated mother. My heart went out to this woman, and my gut reaction was, “I wish I could teach this kid a lesson so she wouldn’t be such an obnoxious little brat.” At the bottom of the escalator then, the little girl, who, to her credit, had been quiet for at least 30 seconds now, turned to her mother, who was still carrying all of her bags, and pleaded her arms in the air in that familiar “carry me” gesture. Now I stood there, observing, imagining the mother thinking, “Yeah right, after all the frustration and annoyance you caused me, now you want me to pick you up when the train is on its way in less than 2 minutes?” However, what happened next truly helped me to realize why, in general, women are such merciful creatures when compared to many men…she locked eyes with her daughter, gave her a look of sympathy, and lifted her up to help alleviate her discomfort.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;How quickly did her forgiveness come into play where not only was she not angry with this girl, but in fact went out of her way to help her. Part of the moral I got from this experience was to appreciate my mother. Anyone who is ungrateful to their parents should imagine that their mother likely went through some similar incredible acts of mercy towards you when you were little, no matter how detached she may be now, and that alone merits some respect.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The other lesson I derived was how humans really do have such a strong capability to forgive and overlook, it is just our choice to move that instinct aside for other instincts like revenge and pride. If we had that motherly forgiveness towards one another in the international political arena for example, how many wars and innocent lives would be saved? I know, I know it sounds far fetched, but again, my whole premise is that even at that level, international relations are made up of politicians who are humans too (even though it’s hard to believe sometimes), and if they all took some lessons from this mother, and their own mother, on compassion and forgiveness, perhaps not to their fellow politicians, but to those innocent people that inevitably suffer in most international conflicts, perhaps there would be some good by it?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/mother" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;mother&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/parenting" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;parenting&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/international+relations" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;international relations&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/politics" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;politics&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;people skills&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/motherly-lesson.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/motherly-lesson.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115608676659823519?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115608676659823519/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115608676659823519' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115608676659823519'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115608676659823519'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/motherly-lesson.html' title='A Motherly Lesson'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115581911297939727</id><published>2006-08-17T05:47:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-20T08:13:12.440-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Consultation: A Meeting of Unlike Minds</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/picture-87.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/picture-87.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt; As an active member of a student organization in college, my fondest first memories of leadership over an organization were playing the role of sidekick to the organization’s dynamic and headstrong leader for two years, the second of which I was his vice president. The fond memories, interestingly, aren’t of calm, playful discussions and meetings about the future of the organization; they are in fact spirited discussions in which we shared a difference in opinion in almost everything that was conversed about. Although many may think this is grounds for a dysfunctional organization, the effect was quite the opposite. By voicing a dissenting view on a given situation, we both would help each other see things through a different light, and together, would come up with solutions that addressed all given sides.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The moral of the story is that often we may give up consulting other people or seeking their advice on something because we are afraid that they may disagree with our point of view. We may go even further so as to surround ourselves only with people that agree to us and take the “your word is gold oh king of the world” approach. Although that may seem appeasing and much less stressful, and probably more efficient, it is often counterproductive, since there is unfulfilled needs within these other people that they are not able to express, which frustrates them, and often leads to one-sided solutions.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Again, this happens with all of our relationships across the gamut. How often do we decide not to consult with our children or spouses on a decision or discount their opinion because we know it will counter ours, and we feel ours to be superior? How many times at work do we stifle ourselves from speaking against a proposal so as to not be the voice of dissent (lookup groupthink)? Finally, how many political leaders of the world only allow themselves to be surrounded by those who will sing the praises of everything that they say as if it is Holy Grail? The way to come about a more fruitful solution to a problem that will address all different sides would be to consult the various people around you, especially those with different points of view, as they represent different experiences and pockets of knowledge that you may not have.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;My feeling is that a good manager (whether it be the manager of a household, a company, or a country) is not one who has all the answers, but one who surrounds him or herself with people who do have all the answers collectively, and ensures that each of them weighs in on a given issue.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course…all of this consultation must be done with tact, and with the understanding that afterwards, you can all go out for some Cold Stone Ice Cream …at least, that’s how it was, and still is, for me and my buddy from college :)&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/consulting" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;consulting&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/corporate+world" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;corporate world&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/parenting" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;parenting&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/marriage" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;marriage&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/politics" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;politics&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;people skills&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/organization" target="_blank" rel="”tag”"&gt;organization&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/consultation-meeting-of-unlike-minds.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/consultation-meeting-of-unlike-minds.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:85%;"&gt;*Photo is copyright of ADAMS center&lt;/span&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115581911297939727?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115581911297939727/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115581911297939727' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115581911297939727'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115581911297939727'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/consultation-meeting-of-unlike-minds.html' title='Consultation: A Meeting of Unlike Minds'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115556761769893709</id><published>2006-08-14T07:57:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-14T08:01:11.870-07:00</updated><title type='text'>“Being Observant Will Take You a Long Way in the Corporate World”</title><content type='html'>That was a quote from an early colleague of mine when I first graduated who told me this after I asked him how his son was doing in the Marketing Department at Virginia Tech, which I remember he had mentioned to me with enthusiasm in a casual conversation we had a month or so prior.  Although he seemed very impressed by my memory of this, I didn’t think it to be a big deal at the time.  However, I’ve soon realized that not only does being observant about what others say or how they say it benefit you in the corporate world, but it works wonders in all relationships, including with spouses, children, and friends.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I think it is because being observant shows that you actually care enough to focus on that person.  It is a demonstration of your listening skills or your analytical skills to obtain the information, and then a demonstration of your willingness to care by remembering that information.  Now, again, that does not mean your focus should be to remember every single detail of a conversation that you have with someone else as well as every facial expression that they made and run out to buy the latest “Improve Your Memory in 3 Easy Steps” book, because you are not just remembering details about what a person said or did for the sake of knowing them.   I myself would say that I have a horrific memory when it comes to remembering telephone numbers or what I ate last night even! &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Rather, it all boils down to taking an active interest in the affairs of another.  For example, when a husband listens and remembers that his wife wanted that pearl necklace she saw in the window as they were walking down the street, and he buy her that necklace for their next anniversary, what she appreciates isn’t his memory skills or the intrinsic value of the necklace itself; what she cherishes is that he cared enough for her to listen to what she had to say.  Some of the best gifts and compliments (and even business deals and peace treaties) come from when you show that you listened and observed what was important to the other, rather than what you value.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It’s amazing, when you actually care about others, even people with the worst of memories will find ways to store the results of their observations, perhaps not in the mind, but in the heart.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/listening" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;listening&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/corporate+world" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;corporate world&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/marketing" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;marketing&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/marriage" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;marriage&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/observations" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;observations&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;people skills&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link:  &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/being-observant-will-take-you-long-way.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/being-observant-will-take-you-long-way.html &lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115556761769893709?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115556761769893709/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115556761769893709' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115556761769893709'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115556761769893709'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/being-observant-will-take-you-long-way.html' title='“Being Observant Will Take You a Long Way in the Corporate World”'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115524284148612343</id><published>2006-08-10T13:40:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-17T05:47:31.473-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Knowing the Other Person Can Prevent Misunderstandings</title><content type='html'>&lt;center&gt;&lt;img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/20051006193658_alfaliq.0.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/center&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;One of the spiritual leaders in our community had the following story to narrate at an interfaith gathering that I once participated in.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;‘A man was lost in the desert, and found a tree to take some shade in and rest for a while.  All of a sudden, in the distance, he saw a huge cloud of smoke, and a blurry image of a creature approaching.  He first through it was a terrible monstrous animal of some sort that was going to come and devour him.  As it came closer, he realized that it was not an animal, but a human.  Although the man felt some relief, it was soon overcome by worry that this human was a member of an enemy clan that was going to kill him.  As the man came closer, he saw that it was not a member of the enemy.  Again, his relief was cut short when he thought that maybe this was a robber that had come to take his belongings.  However, as the man came as close as a few steps, he showed no signs of hostility.  As the man asked the stranger who he was and what he wanted, he realized it was just another lost desert traveler who was looking for his way, and the two became companions on their search for home.’&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;What the moral of the story was, was that when people don’t have knowledge about the other, it is easy for them to treat the other inhumanely, or, at the very least, with disdain.  I have a personal work-related example with a client that I once had when I first started in the field of consulting.  Having just joined the project, I viewed my client’s no-nonsense and hard-line approach as being brash, arrogant, and stubborn.  Yet, it was soon afterwards when I had learned more about the project and its history of lack of project leadership leading to missed deadlines and lost money, I had a new approach towards my client, and even gained a sense of appreciation for his efforts.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Think about how perhaps in your own life, you may have had a friend, significant other, or even a spouse who you didn’t really like at first (although you would never ever ever admit that to them now), but, as you got to know them, you gained an appreciation for them.  Now, obviously this won’t happen with anyone that we don’t like, but we shouldn’t be hasty on passing judgments on people of a different style, background, or religion than ours before getting to know who the other really is.  &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We may find that the animal or enemy on the other side ends up truly being a companion in our journey of finding home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/miscommunication" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;miscommunication&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/spiritual" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;spiritual&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/consulting" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;consulting&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/management" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;management&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/friendship" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;friendship&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/interfaith" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;interfaith&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/religion" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;religion&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/knowing-other-person-can-prevent.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/knowing-other-person-can-prevent.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115524284148612343?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115524284148612343/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115524284148612343' title='2 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115524284148612343'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115524284148612343'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/knowing-other-person-can-prevent.html' title='Knowing the Other Person Can Prevent Misunderstandings'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>2</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115513962407704785</id><published>2006-08-09T09:04:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-09T09:11:42.940-07:00</updated><title type='text'>I kid you not...</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060804/wl_uk_afp/britaintelecomjobs" target="_blank"&gt;U r sckd: worker fired by text message&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;...and no, I definitely didn't know about this before I made my last post...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115513962407704785?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115513962407704785/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115513962407704785' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115513962407704785'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115513962407704785'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/i-kid-you-not.html' title='I kid you not...'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115506796564192410</id><published>2006-08-08T12:57:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-13T20:12:38.446-07:00</updated><title type='text'>The Role(s) of Technology in Relationships</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/businessman.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/businessman.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A very interesting article on Technology and Social Isolation &lt;a href="http://www.irchelp.org/irchelp/misc/tech.html" target="_blank"&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I think it’s interesting how the increased use of technology affects our everyday relationships. If you ask me, I would say that technology can serve three (not a mutually exclusive or exhaustive list) roles in a relationship, whether it is worker-employee, friends, or husband-wife:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;1) Distracter&lt;br /&gt;2) Replacement&lt;br /&gt;3) Supplement&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The &lt;em&gt;distracter&lt;/em&gt; role is best seen in the clichéd battle that many spouses face with their significant other’s laptop or Blackberry. As a counselor once told a group of us, “if the first thing your spouse is going to when coming back home is to the laptop, then there’s a problem.” We laughed it off then, but the conflict is a reality. How many conversations with spouses or quality nights with children get overruled by the mask of “I’ll do this while checking e-mail?” Yeah, right. Like you’re really going to be able to tune into anybody when delving into the agenda for the planning meeting for next Thursday’s meeting with the big boss. The answer to this problem is simple; ditch the technology…not permanently...not even for a whole day, but at least have some time where you will talk to your spouse, your kids, your neighbors, without letting technology get in the way.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Of course, when I say “talk” to the people around you, many of you may be thinking different things. That is because in our modern age, “talking” is comprised of so many different possibilities. We can now talk through e-mail, instant messenger, telephone, web cams etc. When we overutilize these technologies in the place of actual physical conversation, we start using technology as, what I call, a &lt;em&gt;replacement&lt;/em&gt;. Not only does technology allow us to escape human contact, but, in some cases, it can cause great miscommunications. No matter how detailed an email to your client is, nothing in that email can capture facial expressions, posture, and voice inflections, all of which impact a message that is going across to another human being. As one of my friends put it, “I’m just waiting for the day where instead of a boss having to call an employee to his office to fire him/her, they can simply send an IM to say: &lt;em&gt;doo-to-doo&lt;/em&gt; 'You’re fired.’”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Finally, of course technology isn’t ALL bad. Sometimes, you can’t talk to your grandma across the country in person every week, so using a telephone or email is a great tool to maintain a relationship. That is because technology in this case is used as a &lt;em&gt;supplement&lt;/em&gt;. You’re not hiding behind it, but rather, using it to maintain communication in situations where in-person conversation isn’t appropriate or feasible.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Emails, voicemails, the Internet, they all keep us hooked in wherever we are. We just want to make sure we don’t get so hooked in that we forget to learn how to deal with people, not just machines. Technology should be used to enhance our relationships with other people, not replace them.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags: &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/relationships" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;relationships&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/friends" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;friends&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Blackberry" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;Blackberry&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/instant+messenger" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;instant messenger&lt;/a&gt;, &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Internet" rel=”tag” target="_blank"&gt;Internet&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/roles-of-technology-in-relationships.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/roles-of-technology-in-relationships.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115506796564192410?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115506796564192410/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115506796564192410' title='2 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115506796564192410'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115506796564192410'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/roles-of-technology-in-relationships.html' title='The Role(s) of Technology in Relationships'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>2</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115489335705202410</id><published>2006-08-06T12:41:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-13T20:15:53.246-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Manipulation vs. Sincerity</title><content type='html'>I had just recently read a book on reading emotions using facial expressions (&lt;a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/080507516X/sr=8-1/qid=1154893044/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-0276403-0278370?ie=UTF8" target="_blank"&gt;Emotions Revealed&lt;/a&gt;) by face-reading guru, Paul Ekman. I was extremely excited about it, and told a very close friend of mine about the book. The response doused my enthusiasm quickly. “I’d feel violated if someone did that to me…almost as if they were trying to manipulate me.”&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now, I had never really thought about it in that regard; I always wanted to learn the skill to be able to better understand people and their emotions so that I could help them in a better way. However, I now could see in a whole new light how people may use the art in order to manipulate people. This isn’t just true with face-reading, but with a majority of these management and psychology skills that we read about in books. For example, many salespeople and marketers have been found guilty of learning how to manipulate people’s emotions in order to make money. How successful are these efforts though? Yes, perhaps through manipulation, you may gain an edge for a while, but eventually, you destroy the one factor that provides the most value for our humanity: trust. I don’t know how it happens, but eventually, manipulation and insincerity is discovered, and the trust that is lost is often irreparable.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The alternative is to use these skills to help people with sincerity. The going assumption with learning management sciences and people skills should be that you genuinely care about helping others, but you are only trying to determine the most effective way to accomplish this. It is when you practice sincerity with others that you gain the most valuable result in your quest to achieve your mission of helping people, which is trust. When people trust you, then they will open up to you, and allow you to help them. So, rethink your approach to dealing with people to one where you care about their needs, and then you’ll find that these people-skills books will teach you ways to achieve that goal, and will lead to more fruitful relationships.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags:&lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/manipulation" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;manipulation, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/sincerity" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;sincerity, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/emotions" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;emotions, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/people+skills" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;Salespeople, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Salespeople" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;People Skills &lt;/a&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback links: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/manipulation-vs-sincerity.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/manipulation-vs-sincerity.html&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115489335705202410?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115489335705202410/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115489335705202410' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115489335705202410'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115489335705202410'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/manipulation-vs-sincerity.html' title='Manipulation vs. Sincerity'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115462987135247861</id><published>2006-08-03T11:24:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-13T20:07:04.173-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Acknowledging Your Emotions</title><content type='html'>How many times in a day do we as humans experience different emotions? No, I don’t have the answer, that was really a question for you all to research and get back to me. I know, from my own extensive experience with my own emotions, that the answer that suffices for me and my discussion here is: a lot.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;On a daily basis, we experiences variations of joy, anger, frustration, giddiness, anxiety, depression, and hunger (ok, so the last one isn’t probably an emotion, but it seems like it fits?). Daniel Goleman says in his book, &lt;a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/055380491X/sr=1-1/qid=1154628494/ref=sr_1_1/104-0276403-0278370?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books" target="_blank"&gt;Emotional Intelligence&lt;/a&gt;, that the first half of the emotional IQ quotient is your ability to understand and manage your own feelings and thought patterns. The funny thing is, as I’ve often said in other forums, we, in our modern busy lives, take little to no time in a given day, week, or even year to reflect on either of these. Often, our lives end up being a by-product of these emotions, and we may go our entire life without knowing what were those forces that caused us to act in the way that we did. For example, if we are angry, many times we don’t even know what the root cause of our anger is, we just know that we’re angry. What’s worse, is that we end up unleashing that anger in all directions, and we don’t know how to control it.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/anger.2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/anger.2.jpg" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;Just ask the wife who is the recipient of her husband’s anger, which was stemmed from a frustrating day at work. She most certainly doesn’t know why he’s angry, and, more than likely, neither does he. However, if the husband were to take stock of his day, and realize that his frustration is from work, and should be channeled (productively) in that direction, rather than letting it get the better of him, that is the first path to establishing a healthy relationship at home. One of the even bigger culprits of being overlooked is the emotion of anxiety or depression. We’re even taught that if we’re down, go do something else to cheer yourself up or “get your mind off of it.” Well, as you may have experienced, that solves the problem MAYBE temporarily. But, in the long run, you still have that figurative 80-ton weight on your mind and heart that affects everything that you do. What would I suggest? Go to a solitary place and ask yourself: Why am I anxious? Or, why am I sad? Work with yourself on identifying, and then addressing the root cause, whether it is through a spiritual means, or by talking to someone that was directly involved, or whatever other means you have of mitigating the true cause of your emotion.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;We all have emotional skeleton closets that need cleaning out. Once we can be honest with ourselves, not only will it relieve a burden on us, but also will help our relationships with others in our lives.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags:&lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/emotions" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;emotions, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/anger" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;anger, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/marriage" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;marriage &lt;/a&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Trackback link: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/acknowledging-your-emotions.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/acknowledging-your-emotions.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115462987135247861?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115462987135247861/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115462987135247861' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115462987135247861'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115462987135247861'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/acknowledging-your-emotions.html' title='Acknowledging Your Emotions'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry><entry><id>tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31976643.post-115454908635673767</id><published>2006-08-02T12:58:00.000-07:00</published><updated>2006-08-13T20:17:04.800-07:00</updated><title type='text'>Positive Intentions</title><content type='html'>&lt;a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/1600/20060403181636_sabira.jpg"&gt;&lt;img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 277px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 241px" height="230" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6147/3486/320/20060403181636_sabira.jpg" width="276" border="0" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;Imagine if everyone had the belief that every single human being in the world was built being upon goodness. Imagine that they actually truly believed that no human would act irrationally without some purpose or intention that was positive. Even the most evil of people probably had their own intentions, which most didn't agree with, but nonetheless, it was a driving force that the person believed in and was motivated by to commit actions. Now imagine if we could actually take the time to see this positive intention within the other person.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;For example, what if the daughter that is not allowed to go outside the house late on a Friday night sees her parents as people that care for her safety, and have that positive intention of protecting their child, instead of projecting the intention of "my parents never want me to have any fun"? Now, granted, perhaps there is a .0001% possibility that, in reality, our parents stayed up at night after they put us to bed at our bedtimes plotting and planning about how they could make their childrens' life a living hell (around an evil cauldron, or course), but, not likely. Of course, the daughter in this example does not necessarily have to agree or succumb to the positive intention that she projects to her parents, but just understand it, so that she can see her parents as human beings instead of plotting monsters. I can imagine the conversation between them would probably have a different tone. This is just one side of it though, because the parents have an equal, if not greater responsibility, of projecting positive intentions for their daughter's behavior instead of "oh she's just a teen, those teens are always crazy according to TV."&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;What's amazing is that this concept can be taken from the home in our everyday family and work relationships, all the way to international relations. Imagine if the Israelis projected positive intentions to understand Palestinians and their actions, not so they can agree to them, but at least so they would understand them. If this was reciprocated on the other side, we might then be able to address root causes of conflict, instead of using the excuse of "well they’re all just irrational crazy terrorists," which is pretty much applied to both Israel and Palestine from the other side.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So, take some time to come up with positive intentions that those people that you are around may have, heck, even make up some, give people the benefit of the doubt. You won't lose that oh-so-precious pride of yours, and, if anything, I think you'll find that the understanding will help your relationships to improve.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;-Oas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;em&gt;Tags:&lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/intentions" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;intentions, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/parenting" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;parenting, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/international+relations" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;international relations, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Israel" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;Israel, &lt;/a&gt; &lt;a href="http://technorati.com/tag/Palestine" rel="tag" target="_blank"&gt;Palestine &lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Trackback links: &lt;a href="http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/positive-intentions.html"&gt;http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/positive-intentions.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;div class="blogger-post-footer"&gt;&lt;img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/31976643-115454908635673767?l=the-human-touch.blogspot.com' alt='' /&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</content><link rel='replies' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/feeds/115454908635673767/comments/default' title='Post Comments'/><link rel='replies' type='text/html' href='http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=31976643&amp;postID=115454908635673767' title='0 Comments'/><link rel='edit' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115454908635673767'/><link rel='self' type='application/atom+xml' href='http://www.blogger.com/feeds/31976643/posts/default/115454908635673767'/><link rel='alternate' type='text/html' href='http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/positive-intentions.html' title='Positive Intentions'/><author><name>Oas</name><uri>http://www.blogger.com/profile/11650401596225503041</uri><email>noreply@blogger.com</email><gd:image rel='http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#thumbnail' width='16' height='16' src='http://img2.blogblog.com/img/b16-rounded.gif'/></author><thr:total>0</thr:total></entry></feed>
