Negative Energies - Anger

“Anger is like fire, which destroys you from within, and it can also lead you to the fire of hell by your own expressions of anger unjustly.”

This quote captures the essence of the danger that anger brings. The fact is that like a wildfire, anger is an emotion that will scorch anything in its path, including all of your relationships, and will end by scorching you from within. Take, for example, the anger that results from a frustrating day at work. The cause of the anger may be a misunderstanding with a manager, or a stressful workload, or even because of a traffic jam on your daily grind (something very common in these here parts in Washington DC!). The result of that anger is that you snap at your subordinates, the cashier who mistakenly gave you change for a $10 when you gave her a $20, and, probably most unfortunate, you may snap at your spouse who asks you about your day, or your children. And, the effects of that momentary lapse in human dignity in treating others are disproportionately long lasting. The effects of words said during anger can destroy a friendship, marriage, or virtually any other relationship.

However, the worst effect may be what anger brings about to the person themselves. To understand this best, imagine looking at yourself in the mirror when you are angry (I know it would probably be difficult to actually DO it if you really are angry). What you would likely see is a red faced, scowling, face contorted to the point that it almost looks painful if anyone tried to replicate in any other situation. Even without any medical expertise, you can understand the harm this must cause. But, for those wanting a more expert view, visit here.

So how can we protect ourselves from this wildfire? As I mentioned, the best answer is that it depends on your own personality. However, I can offer whatever insights I have from personal experience. Firstly, the most critical point during anger is when it first hits. It’s almost as if for that brief moment, you are actually out of control. Thus, the best thing that has helped me at those points is to change your settings. This first can be done physically. Leave the area, go for a walk, do whatever you can to get away from the place that’s causing anger to avoid saying or doing something you will regret. It can also include doing other things that ill physiologically help you; take a shower, wash your face, etc. The other aspect of changing your settings is to change your mental setting. Force your mind to stop. Think about what caused your anger, and let it be contained there (similar to firefighters talking about ‘containing the fire’). Finally, get help from others. Acknowledge to others that if you’re frustrated, you want to be left alone for a while, for their own protection.

Finally, just bring yourself to remember what is most important. I guarantee that if you reflect on it, the relationships that you have are almost always worth more than what causes your anger. Here’s to your efforts in combating your own fires.

Tags: people skills, anger, fire

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html

Negative Energies

This is the first part in a three-part series of posts on what I consider to be huge energy drainers for anyone. The fearsome three are: anger, sarcasm, and hopelessness. These negative energies hurt not only yourself, but also those around you, including co-workers, family members, and friends. The idea is to be able to pick up on some of these, and find out ways to combat them. Some disclaimers to begin with, not all of the qualities that I describe are in and of themselves bad. In fact, some of these qualities are needed in given situations. The problem arises when people are locked up in these qualities such that it becomes a character trait or something that is associated to them. Furthermore, although I try to provide some ideas of how you can overcome some of these, I don’t have a one-stop recipe, primarily because each person has their own individual circumstances and personalities. It’s really up to you as to how to resolve these if you notice them within yourself, but just noticing them and acknowledging that they need to be done away with is an important first step. Stay tuned!

Tags: people skills, anger, sarcasm, hopelessness, depression

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/negative-energies.html

The Curse of Cynicism

One of the most popular shows on the late night telecast is The Daily Show, by Jon Stewart. I, like many, find the show very funny; it pokes fun at the comedic realities of our current political situation. Another favorite “news source” is found on the Web at the Onion, with millions of hits a year. The source of the comedy in these extremely popular entertainment venues is cynicism.

Perhaps it is just me noticing it now, but I see cynicism as completely grappling our society. It seems like the new fad is to make light of everything by satirizing it (wow, that really is a word according to Microsoft Word). Although this provides a lot of levity in a very serious world, it has also destroyed or sense of sincerity in viewing things around us.

We have become a world that sees things like corporate culture, family dinner, and romantic movies are “corny.” The problem with this is that the eventual result is that people become apathetic to the world around them, and, instead, view the world through their own Jon Stewartized eyes. The problem is that when you peel back the onion (no pun intended) of these types of people, is that they have a sense of emptiness behind all of the cynicism. What’s worse is that this also has harmful affects on people around us as well, since we can’t take anything seriously.

So, although some satire is a blessing in our very serious lives, and I love satirical comedy as much as the next person, but we must be careful in seeing the entire world through cynical eyes.


Tags: cynicism

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/09/curse-of-cynicism.html

Work-Life Balance

The question was one that got me on the edge of my seat to await the response:
"How do I remain productive at home with all of the distractions around me from my wife and kids?" The lecturer in the ethics class, who had been discussing family ethics, responded in a surprising way, "Maybe you don't have to be productive at home."

Productivity has usurped so many of our minds such that when we go through any period of time where we are not generating an output, we feel as though we are wasting time. However, is time spent enjoying our children's baseball game or talking to our spouse about their day counterproductive? If you ask me, not by a longshot.

First of all, from the standpoint of producing outputs at the workplace, this healthy home life is essential to help you "sharpen the tool" by taking your mind off of work when you get home, so that you can start fresh the next day. If I think about trying to tackle the same problems that plague me at work without taking a break from the frustration that I feel, I'd go nuts. However,
even aside from that, the reason why having a healthy home life is so important is because it is time spent being productive on a whole another front, where the output is better relationships with the people that matter most, your family and friends. These friendships and relationships are the things that are going to help you during those stressful days and will help you feel
energized at work to do whatever it is that you do better.

So, instead of viewing your time at home as an opportunity to get back on the Blackberry or the laptop, put those toys away and focus on being productive at your role as a husband, wife, father, mother, and friend...you'll be a better person, and a better worker, because of it.

Tags: workplace, work-life balance, relationships, productivity, Blackberry

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/work-life-balance.html

Synchronization Between Words and Actions

Everyone that has interviewed has probably gone through the spiel that HR gives trying to entice you to their company. Flexible work schedules, a team environment, and a diverse atmosphere that tolerates people from all backgrounds. Yet, when you go out to the field once starting work, the words of the HR representatives seem to be a distant memory. Flexibility, teamwork, and diversity are all secondary to productivity at the workplace. The result is usually a very bitter feeling left within the employees; one of betrayal. Once executive management begins to notice the reduced morale and the high turnover, they turn to the HR department to implement campaigns to boost morale, usually through rhetoric, but perhaps through some meaningful action. However, by this point, it’s too little, too late.

It is widely known that when words and actions contradict each other, people are more likely to turn to actions as the determinant of how people truly feel. Many of us, whether it be with our spouses, our children, or our co-workers, write checks with our mouths that our actions don’t cash in on. The effect of this rhetoric not backed by actions is even greater distrust than if nothing was said at all.

Does this mean that we don’t try to portray a human touch for employees in the example mentioned above to avoid a situation of betrayal? No, the correct answer is to allow this concept of treating employees as humans to permeate across and organization at all levels, not just make it a public relations or HR issue. And of course, this is just one application of this principal in our professional lives, but the same lesson should be applied across all of our relationships.

Tags: actions, human resources, HR, hypocracy, workplace, relationships

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/synchronization-between-words-and.html

Should Kids be Raised with Strength or with Self-Esteem?

A very common manifestation of your approach on this is the answer to the question, “should children in Little League compete to earn a trophy, or should all children get a trophy just for trying out?” Many recent behavioralists have argued that helping children boost their self esteem is much more important than teaching them the tough lessons of losing and exclusion, which they will eventually face anyway. An interesting article on raising our kids with strength or with self-esteem is found here.

Growing up, my parents were definitely of the opinion that I and my siblings have constant reassurance and build self-esteem. Thus, I feel like they sheltered me from many of life’s turbulences at an early age, until cold reality struck me when I went off to college, which was the first time I was outside my parents’ protective sphere. But, I’d like to think I still made it out ok, so what right do I have to be bitter, right?

The hotshot tough guy in me has always encouraged that children should learn life’s lessons early so that they can deal with it at a young age. Then, I read the following story, which definitely made me have my doubts about the extent to which kids should have to suffer the hard realities of grown-up life.

I don’t know if I know what the answer to my own question is, but I think that’s because it’s a very situational thing. What seems right in one situation is horrendously wrong in another. All parents can do is hope to be able to recognize the difference so that they can raise strong children, full of self-esteem.

Tags: children, parenting, competition, CNN

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/should-kids-be-raised-with-strength-or.html

A Motherly Lesson

One hot summer day, I trudged down the Washington Metro escalators to catch my train back home from work. Although I thought I had it bad, a woman with her daughter, couldn’t be more than 3 years old, and a bunch of shopping bags was clearly having trouble getting down the escalator. The primary cause of this difficulty was her daughter, who kept tugging and poking and slithering all over the place, much to the frustration of her mother. To make matters worse, the little girl was constantly whining and asking questions to this clearly exacerbated mother. My heart went out to this woman, and my gut reaction was, “I wish I could teach this kid a lesson so she wouldn’t be such an obnoxious little brat.” At the bottom of the escalator then, the little girl, who, to her credit, had been quiet for at least 30 seconds now, turned to her mother, who was still carrying all of her bags, and pleaded her arms in the air in that familiar “carry me” gesture. Now I stood there, observing, imagining the mother thinking, “Yeah right, after all the frustration and annoyance you caused me, now you want me to pick you up when the train is on its way in less than 2 minutes?” However, what happened next truly helped me to realize why, in general, women are such merciful creatures when compared to many men…she locked eyes with her daughter, gave her a look of sympathy, and lifted her up to help alleviate her discomfort.

How quickly did her forgiveness come into play where not only was she not angry with this girl, but in fact went out of her way to help her. Part of the moral I got from this experience was to appreciate my mother. Anyone who is ungrateful to their parents should imagine that their mother likely went through some similar incredible acts of mercy towards you when you were little, no matter how detached she may be now, and that alone merits some respect.

The other lesson I derived was how humans really do have such a strong capability to forgive and overlook, it is just our choice to move that instinct aside for other instincts like revenge and pride. If we had that motherly forgiveness towards one another in the international political arena for example, how many wars and innocent lives would be saved? I know, I know it sounds far fetched, but again, my whole premise is that even at that level, international relations are made up of politicians who are humans too (even though it’s hard to believe sometimes), and if they all took some lessons from this mother, and their own mother, on compassion and forgiveness, perhaps not to their fellow politicians, but to those innocent people that inevitably suffer in most international conflicts, perhaps there would be some good by it?

Tags: mother, parenting, international relations, relationships, politics, people skills

Trackback link: http://the-human-touch.blogspot.com/2006/08/motherly-lesson.html